Belum pernah aku sebingung ini dengan seseorang, membuatku tidak tahu harus bagaimana untuk bersikap dan berkata kepada mahluk ini. Mungkin ungkapan “orang yang berwajah dua” tidak cocok untuk disematkan ke orang ini, kenapa…??? Karena dia berwajah 17468348989 ?!*$#?? … Ahh… kalo mengingat itu, semua rasa bercampur aduk… sedih, benci dan yang paling parah adalah rasa terkhianati dan dibohongi. Karena buat ku, tidak ada rasa yang paling menyakitkan selain rasa di khianati oleh seseorang yang selama ini kita percaya… tahu gak si loe… slama ini… in YOU-I trust…, I put my trust in YOU…
Aku pengen tahu, selama ini, apa reaksimu setiap melihat sikap “kepercayaan tanpa syarat”ku ke kamu..? mungkin kamu berpikir…. “gotcha… kena loe gue bohongin”, begitu kah..? Atau mungkin kamu tertawa penuh kemenangan dibelakangku sambil berguling2 melihat sikap tolol ku itu..? Tidak kah Tuhan memberi mu hati nurani ? Hati nurani yang seharusnya kamu pakai dengan bijaksana, kamu dengarkan setiap bisikannya agar kamu berpikir berjuta2 kali sebelum membohongiku, sebelum memanfaatkan ku ? Atau mungkin kamu lupa, kalo aku ini bukan malaikat yang tidak punya perasaan (seperti kamu), aku ini manusia, seorang perempuan juga, yang tidak ingin dikhianati seperti yang dirasakan oleh semua perempuan yang sedang atau pernah “terlibat” dengan kamu.
Tadi siang, aku mengetahui salah satu versi lain diri mu. Suatu versi lain yang mampu melemahkan seluruh persendian ku, yang mampu menimbulkan rasa panas di sekujur tubuh sampai ke kepala… sampai aku berpikir… ini kah rasanya stroke? Ah, ternyata bukan stroke… itu cuma manifestasi rasa sakit karena dikhianati. Aku bingung, apakah aku harus bersyukur karena bukan stroke yang menyerangku sesaat tadi? Jelas, aku belum pernah merasakan rasa kecewa, rasa sakit seperti ini, aku tidak bisa menggambarkan seberapa sakit rasanya, ku pikir, kata-kata ‘amat sangat sakit sekali’ belum cukup bisa mewakili apa yang benar2 kurasakan. Tuhan, masih bolehkah aku berpaling kepada Mu? Masih pantaskah aku berlindung di pelukan Mu? Masih akan didengarkah permohonan ku, Tuhan? Permohonan yang selalu aku sampaikan, untuk dijauhkan dari segala rasa benci, untuk selalu diberikan keikhlasan menerima apapun yang Kau berikan.
Sampai saat ini, aku terus berpikir dan introspeksi, kesalahan apa yang telah aku perbuat ke kamu sehingga kamu tega sejahat itu. Bukankah aku pernah bilang, “you have my supports” ke kamu, dan itu bukan cuma janji kosong aja kan, I already did, and always do my best to support you all the way. Well, I’m sorry if my best is still not enough for you. Is that the reason why you lying to me? Oh no… no… I don’t want to ask you anything about this… Because, I know, you’ll answer with lies only, and it’ll hurt me more. I just want to ask you one thing, anytime you ready, show me the real version of yours. Cause, deep down in my heart, I keep thinking that you are a good person, I hope this is your real version, so I can remember you as a trustworthy person.
Here’s I copied you a couple of song lyric, to describe how upset I’m :
Don’t Treat Me Like a Fool
By – Blue
It’s been hard wakin’ up, wakin’ up to the truth
I’ve been so blind, couldn’t see for love no.
Tried my best to ignore it, wish the pain away
But just like tomorrow, it’s coming round again.
So darling, please don’t treat me like a fool.
It’s been hard enough for me, getting over you
Darling please don’t treat me like you do
I’ll be damned if I am gonna let ya
Damned if I don’t forget ya
So please don’t treat me – like a fool.
Thought I gave you the best, but it wasn’t enough
You took advantage of my trusting heart
Tried my best to forgive you, did my best to forget
I am done with the tears and there are no regrets.
So darling, please don’t treat me like a fool.
It’s been hard enough for me, getting over you
Darling please don’t treat me like you do
I’ll be damned if I am gonna let ya
Damned if I don’t forget ya
So please don’t treat me – like a fool.
I know I’ll be reaching out to touch you in the night
Holding on to the memories, Cos you’re not here to hold me tight
You lied when you told me, It hurt to be apart
When all the lying you’re doing is in someone else’s arms.
So darling, please don’t treat me like a fool.
It’s been hard enough for me, getting over you
Darling please don’t treat me like you do
I’ll be damned if I am gonna let ya
Damned if I don’t forget ya
So please don’t treat me – like a fool.
One For Sorrow
By – Steps
I wanted your love , but look what it’s done to me
All my dreams have come to nothing
Who would have believed
All the laughter that we shared would be a memory
I cannot count the tears you’ve cost me
If I could have seen
And do you ever think of me
And how we used to be?
Oh , I know you’re somewhere else right now
And loving someone else no doubt
Well I’m one for sorrow
Ain’t it too too bad
Are you breaking someone else’s heart
‘cos you’re taking my love where you are
Well I’m one for sorrow
Ain’t it too too bad about us
I wanted your love , but I got uncertainty
I tried so hard to understand you
All the good it did me
Now the places that we knew remind me of how we were
Everything is just the same
But all I feel is hurt
And do you ever think of me
And how we used to be?
Yang Terdalam
By – Peterpan
Kulepas semua yang kuinginkan
Tak akan kuulangi
Maafkan jika kau kusayangi
Dan bila kumenanti
Pernahkah engkau coba mengerti
Lihatlah ku disini
Mungkinkah jika aku bermimpi
Salahkah tuk menanti
Takkan lelah aku menanti
Takkan hilang cintaku ini
Hingga saat kau tak kembali
Kan kukenang di hati saja…
Kau telah tinggalkan hati yang terdalam
Hingga tiada cinta yang tersisa
Di jiwa…
The Hardest Day
By – The Corrs
One more day, one last look
Before I leave it all behind
And play the role that’s meant for us
That said we’d say goodbye
One more night by your side
Where our dreams collide
And all we have is everything
And there’s no pain no hurt
There’s no wrong it’s all right
If I promise to believe will you believe
That there’s nowhere that we’d rather be
Nowhere describes where we are
I’ve no choice, I love you
Leave, love you wave goodbye
And all I ever wanted was to stay
And nothing in this world’s gonna change, change
Never wanna wake up from this night
Never wanna leave this moment
Waiting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
Leaving you, the hardest day of my life
The hardest day of my life
I still breathe, I still eat
And the sun it shines the same as it did yesterday
But there’s no warmth, no light
I feel empty inside
But I never will regret a single day
(I know )it isn’t going to go away
What I’m feeling for you
I will always love you
Leave, love you wave goodbye
And all, and all I ever wanted was to stay
Nothing in this world’s gonna change…
Never wanna wake up from this night
Never wanna leave this moment
Waiting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
I never knew I’d ever feel this way
I feel for you…
Never wanna wake up, I feel for you, from this night
Never wanna leave this moment
Waiting for you only, only you
Never gonna forget every single thing you do
When loving you is my finest hour
Leaving you, the hardest day of my life…
Never wanna wake up from this night…
Posted by: RWidy
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